Posted by
Alexander Koby on Tuesday, May 20, 2008 2:25:00 PM
While partially coherent and clicking through the "brain-drain," local Channel 11 (KHOU Houston) ran a brief snip-it during their evening newscast informing patrons of plastic surgery as to the importance of ensuring their physician's reputability. Suddenly lucid, I wondered if this bulletin was really necessary? I was always under the impression that Googling your surgeon before treatment was a [Duh!] given. Even minor surgeries or simple doctor's visits can carry inherent and unforeseen risks, which could be incurred by even the best of practitioners. I can understand having an aversion to all of the gory details related to an operation; though toying with your well being is not like ordering a fast food hamburger, in that, it is probably more beneficial to your psyche by being oblivious to the handling process.
There is a great deal of trust that must be shared between patient and physician. Just thinking back to my recent highly extensive surgery, which was a coordinated effort between cranial, neurology and plastics; I wonder how my perspective may have been different had I taken all of this for granted. Interestingly enough, the reconstructive plastics process required the most time and precision. Even though my surgeons were competent and confident, I still did my homework ahead of time. One thing is for sure, once you are in the operating room and under the twilight of anesthesia, there is no turning back. If it were me or someone I cared about, I would make damn sure I verified the surgeon's credentials, scanned their track record and believed fully in their abilities.
Nevertheless, I thought I would take this opportunity to assist the community in a public service announcement by pointing out some of the warning signs to watch out for before going under the knife...
- If your physician's surgical instruments include a Spork and a Crazy Straw.
- If your physician's scrubs read "Property of the State of Missouri Corrections."
- If your physician offers a discount with the purchase of a
year supply of Omaha Steaks.
- If your physician uses laughing gas to make balloons out of
rubber gloves before surgery.
- If your physician's operating room is a 10x10 space at Public Storage.
- If your physician lightens a cancer diagnosis with a lollipop.
- If your physician's medical certificate is printed on the back of a
Burger King placemat.
- If your physician's anesthesia of choice is heroin.
- If your physician's clinic is located next door to a mortuary.
- If your physician can prove that they performed Michael Jackson's
"reconstructive" surgeries.
- If your physician also plays a doctor on TV.
- If your vasectomy physician's last name is Slicer or Dicer.
- If your face-lift physician looks like Keith Richards.
- If your Dental and Orthodontia carry the names "South Texas Dental
Services" (STDs) and "Right Smiles Orthodontics" (RSO.)
- If your physician refers to you as "Boat Payment #7."
- If your physician thinks a pathologist is someone who gives directions.
- If your physician was fired from working at a butcher shop.
- If your physician prescribes Tic-Tac's and Jelly Beans as directed.
- If your physician says they have performed this procedure on
cats dozens of times.
- If your physician has a lawyer present during surgery.
- If your physician excuses themselves from the room after an exam,
and can then be heard to say muffled through the walls,
"Wow, what the hell was that?! I've never seen that before,
better check the book..."
- If your physician greets you with "High evry-buddy!"
And you reply, "Hi, Dr. Nick!"
- If your physician advertises on the back of a grocery store receipt.
- If your physician boasts that they graduated last, but not least!
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(a.k. 05.20.08)